Subtitles Return

Hmm.. it seems people are actually reading this so I'd better resume the blog.
I hadn't really been looking out for subtitles but I was alerted the other day when the BBC, rather than suggest Tony Blair had to look out for Gordon Brown during his period in office, actually had to keep an eye on Gordon Burns, who was the host of The Krypton Factor.
My favourite subtitle of the summer goes back to Wimbledon fortnight during a particularly dry spell of weather. The BBC again informed us that it had been the driest summer for 60 queers!
More soon.

Peschisolido!!!

I’ve not been near a TV this week due to a hectic schedule so I’ll regale you with some subtitles from the archives. Clearly someone is a sports fan as the names of famous sportsmen feature heavily on Sky News.

I’ve already mentioned Brett Lee, the Australian cricketer. In a weather report, we were told of some impending wet weather. Instead of taking a brolly we were told

Take a Brett Lee with you.

Following this I became slightly suspicious when, instead of General Ratko Mladic, Sky News told us that the International Criminal Tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia were looking for Lawrence Dallaglio, the former England Rugby Union International.

Surely it couldn’t be deliberate? Maybe not, but the next one certainly is. In another weather report, the word pleasant was replaced in its subtitled equivalent by Paul Peschisolido.
Paul who? Indeed – not the sort of name you could make up. Peschisolido was a Canadian soccer player. The word ‘Journeyman’ could have been invented for him as he played for around fourteen clubs in a twenty year career. If you hadn’t heard of him you wouldn’t have used him in your subtitles, least of all spell his name correctly. M’lud I rest my case.

A final football funny; In January Manchester City attempted the ambitious signing of Kaka, A C Milan’s Brazilian International. Kaka – quite simple isn’t it? Particularly if you’d typed it a few hundred times already. However, according to Sky News, City were looking to bolster their squad with the signing of Kafka.

More next time.

Who is Really to Blame for Global Warming?

Saturday 25th of April 2009 – lunchtime. The subtitles on Sky News were awful and quickly hit the point where it was painful to read them. Here are some highlights.

A report from the US told us that in these austere times, sales of guns were increasing and defying the credit crunch. Sky’s subtitles told it like this

In America, bum sales are soaring.

In the Bahrain Grand Prix, early championship pace setter Jenson Button was struggling slightly in early qualifying and found himself in a disappointing sixth. However, despite this, he really didn’t deserve Sky subtitle’s comments.

Jenson Button is thick.

Elsewhere some poor chap called R. Haynes was being blamed for creating 30% of all carbon emissions. The visual report showed that in fact aeroplanes were more responsible. Finally, in a controversy over an advertisement for tourism in Canada we were told that Alberta’s people were wobbly. I’ve not worked that one out yet.

This is hard work – I hope you’re all appreciating it!

Kebabs and Neverland

Where can you order a kebab and have it covered in delicious sores? Just what is Sharqa Tax and when do I pay it? Why did delegates from Neverland turn up at a recent UN Summit? And why, when it's raining should I take Australian fast bowler Brett Lee with me?

These are all examples of very bad subtitles from UK television - Delicious sores should, of course, be delicious sauce; Sharqa Tax was Shark Attacks, Neverland should be the Netherlands and Brett Lee should have been brolly.

Now, on a serious point, no I can't imagine how difficult it must be to type as quickly as someone speaks and no, I wouldn't like to do it myself. However, at times when I've been somewhere where the sound is muted, the subtitles are unreadable and frustrating - no joke if you're deaf and are relying on them.

Anyway enough of that 'disclaimer' many people find them funny. This, bear in mind, is where America elected President A Bummer. (I'm serious) Keep reading for more bad subtitles and if you come across any genuine ones yourself, please send them in.